Failure

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." - Beverly Sills

I have often faced failure. Some failure I have faced in front of many, many people. This is what can happen to an actor. Failure with props, failure with memory, failure with a number of things that can leave most folks befuddled at best and huddled in a fetal position on the floor at worst. I have miscalculated the trajectory of a bicycle and run headlong into a very solid pillar (one of the few on the stage) just before a musical number that I had to sing and dance in. I have had to improvise my way through scenes that just went wrong and all the while keep my audience convinced that what they were watching was fully planned and intended. Even while everything around us on stage may have been failing, they show had to go on... and it did. I am pleased to say that I have never completely lost in the face of some of the most insurmountable odds.

Failure is a familiar tool for me. I was born with a major failure. I have never had 75% of my hearing. This apparent deficit could have been interpreted by my family as a reason to excuse any inability to do certain things. Fortunately, this isn't what happened. My family believed that I could be anything I wanted to be. They empowered me to pursue some of the craziest things. Crazy, that is, for a kid who had to wear hearing aids every day. When I was 8, in 1976, I was determined to be an astronaut. I drew up my plans for a spaceship that could fly into space and then return to Earth like a plane. My dad sent these plans off to NASA. He wasn't going to spoil my dream. I got a whole pile of cool stuff back from NASA including artist sketches of a soon to be launched space craft called the Space Shuttle. I was one of the teeming millions that watched in awe on April 12th, 1981 when that space ship left our planet. I still have the letter they sent. Sadly, I don't have that packet of cool stuff. I think I donated it to one of the schools I attended. The memory of those pictures though are permanently etched on my brain.

So I didn't become an astronaut. I didn't become a Lifeguard, even though I got as far as my Bronze Cross. I didn't become a professional drummer even though I played briefly in a Scottish Marching Band. I didn't even become a famous actor even though I achieved a successful career for almost 12 years and performed roles on stage and television. Sure I have had failures, but were they really?

Thomas Watson, founder of IBM, said "if you want to succeed, double your failure rate." Failure is a tool. Like a hammer, if we don't learn how to use it we will hurt. My perception of failure is different from many and I find myself tolerant where others would not. This is sometimes misunderstood as indifference. Fear of failure is like being afraid of a hammer. Just get your thumb out of the way and you will be fine. Use failure as a tool, get past the idea that failure is somehow wrong or bad or even avoidable and start using it.

It is interesting that childhood is all about failure. Failure to walk, failure to tie your shoes, failure to feed yourself. Children don't stop when faced with failure. They keep on. I think fear of failure is learned. We are taught to fear anything less than success. Even if that success is mediocre and easily won. Most of us would prefer to succeed at something that everyone else succeeds at, than risk doing something that no one else has done and failing.

i cherish my failures as much as my successes. They make me what I am. I embrace them, celebrate them, and share them. There is no shame in it. Even if someone tries to convince you to be ashamed, you don't have to be. The point is to learn from what they have to offer and avoid repeating that pain. We all learned to walk. Why? Because falling down hurt, especially once we no longer had the padding of a diaper on our bums.

Cherishing failure does not mean that the pain goes away. Every failure I have ever had and ever will have stings. Some have longer lasting stings than others, but make no mistake, they hurt. But like all pain, they are also unavoidable and natural. I don't like phrases like, "failure is not an option." Actually it is an option, but what is your pain tolerance? When the pain outweighs the tolerance, the tolerance for failure decreases. Risk mitigation arrives to help alleviate potential failure pain.

So what does it mean to try? Well, real trying is honest and earnest. Half-hearted attempts are intentional failures. They fall in the "why bother" category. You might as well hang up your skates and go home. Invest in your attempts. Invest everything you got. Don't hold back.

Sometimes the flip-side of the coin is our fear of success. We try, we succeed. Oh crap... now what. Now we have to live up to our success. Now we need to practice understanding that success is the same as failure...

OB