Sunday, August 22, 2010

Writing Theatre Reviews for Non-Reviewers.

In light of the recent altercation between non-professional bloggers and professional theatre producers, I thought I would offer up a few tips on how to write a review for those who are not professional reviewers. The challenge one faces is that there is no actual "professional theatre review" certificate or diploma to quantify what exactly constitutes the professional skills and knowledge of a professional theatre reviewer. That said, I have conducted extensive anecdotal research, several field surveys in the gathering places of theatre professionals, and support it with conclusions I have drawn from direct one-to-one interviews with consumers of professional theatre. As you can see, my perspective is well supported and should be taken with great severity and sobriety.

If you follow these simple steps you too can offer theatrical reviews that will avoid nasty acrimonious alacrity and alarm from those you choose to review.

1) Include a synopsis of the plot of the play. Do your research! Make sure you are clear on what exactly it is that you just watched. Don't let your direct experience of the piece fool you into thinking that what you saw is actually what you saw.

2) Praise first! Be sure to identify those who offered excellent performances. Be sure to include at least one main player, because to only single out the less important members of the company can cause serious stress to the crystalline emotions of other members. Comparisons between performers is a surefire way to fracture their tenuous connections. Avoid comparisons at all costs.

3) Make sure negative statements obfuscate your true meaning. When dealing out the inevitable "this sucked" comment, it is always best to wrap your naked truth in a cloak of ornate allegorical rhetoric.

4) Refer to external related (or unrelated) previous performances. These can be references to other productions of the show, or performances by the actors. (NOTE: be careful not to indulge in any direct comparisons, see point 2)

5) Use clever references to academic sounding research. One of the problems a non-professional faces is having to prove that their opinion is valid. The best way to do this is to refer to academic works. Be sure that your references are obscure enough to prove difficult to verify, but still sound smart.

6) Avoid any honest reflection or authentic sounding phrasing. One of the most challenging things a non-professional theatre reviewer faces is the messy aftermath of honesty. It is always best to quell any temptation to place yourself in the line of fire of a defensive artist.

7) Empathize with the artist. Work hard to understand that most artists don't spend time with their audience. They fear an invasion of their privacy and a distraction from their work. After all, if they spend all their time with real people, how could they possibly elevate the stories of the common man to the level required to present on the stage.

8) Be aware of the existing reputation of the actors and the company you are reviewing. If you are reviewing venerated members of the theatre community, be sure to apply a meticulous rigour to your comments to ensure you are not marring this veneration. You are only a non-professional and your opinion is only that of a regular audience member. One phrase amiss and you can topple years upon years of work to build up a house of cards for these players to stand on.

9) Analyze the educational background of the actors. This can provide vital clues to the sanctity of their reputations. For example, in Edmonton, graduates of the U of A's BFA Acting degree tend to have a greater priority to maintain the purity of their craft compared to the MacEwan Univeristy's less pure program. As a result, you can probably be more honest with a MacEwan grad.

10) Reviews should sell tickets. In these times of economic struggle, it is getting harder and harder for theatre artists to earn a buck. As a result, the production quality is always threatened. Edmonton has gotten fat on the high value productions at a relatively low cost. Negative reviews will lead to even lower attendance to the struggling productions. If you want to ensure high quality productions, make sure the mediocre work is well supported.

There you have it. Follow these simple rules and you too can offer reviews that will pass muster with those who have sacrificed themselves to entertain you by showing you a better version of yourself.

Oh, one thing, I am a non-professional rule-writer. I have taken great pains to ensure that my rules have in no way offered a personal perspective, but have been verified through the research methodology discussed above. Any comments on this work that venture into the territory of suggesting that I am a professional, or any direct attacks on my personal reputation will be ignored.

2 comments:

peter said...

This is quite brilliant.

Marliss Weber said...

I'm going to open up a school for non-professional reviewers and use this for my curriculum.